Green Bay Packer Offensive Line Secret Postgame Meeting
Written by Chris Weathers   
Sunday, 08 November 2009 22:44
Sack

Coach Mike McCarthy: Alright guys, let's pick this up on Tuesday. Have a good day off tomorrow. Forget this one for a day, at least.

*Coach McCarthy leaves. The O-line decides to hold a totally inconspicuous meeting of its own.*

Mark Tauscher: What a rough game back. Jeez, I feel like we let everyone down.

Chad Clifton: ......What are you talking about?!?! WE DID GREAT!!

Jason Spitz: We WERE AWESOME. Look at these numbers. We allowed six total sacks. Six sacks, in one game, against a team that had 11 total in the past seven games! That's 37 total against the green menace.

Mark Tauscher: The green menace?

Chad Clifton: Okay Mark. We have to come clean. This offensive line is on a mission from Football God: To humble the mustachioed Beelzebub.

Mark Tauscher: .......Cool, whatever. I'm tired of being insulted by Chris Mortensen's twitter anyway.

Josh Sitton: Fellahs

Chad Clifton: Fellahs?

Josh Sitton: Fellahs, check this out. They are already blaming Cal's Mephistopheles.

Daryn Colledge: RARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Josh Sitton: First on the agenda, a sacrifice.

*The boys set the remaining postgame spread aflame. They then disrobe.*

Mark Tauscher: I was wondering how Ryan Sims got a sack and Chris Hovan got half of one, surely deliberate on our part. Man, those guys really put Aaron on his back.

Chad Clifton: DO NOT SAY HIS NAME! HERE OR ANYWHERE! SAYING THE NAME GIVES BABIES CLUB FEET!

Mark Tauscher: Okay, Jeez, sawwww-ry.

Jason Spitz: Next week, Jay Ratliff and DeMarcus Ware. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Our work just got easier. The archfiend shall most definitely face injury. THEN FACE PERSECUTION.

Josh Sitton: BURN THE WITCH!

Mark Tauscher: Yeah, sure. Maybe you guys have a point. I mean, he is 8-12 since becoming the starter...

Chad Clifton: It.

Mark Tauscher: Excuse me?

Chad Clifton: It not he. Imps don't have genitals.

Mark Tauscher: You guys are nuts. I'm outta here.

Daryn Colledge: Not a word of this to anyone. HEED MY WORDS. I can pay Hawk to take a swan dive into your knee. All's fair in love and the resurrection of football's mecca, usurping it from the dastardly diablo.

Mark Tauscher: See you Tuesday, freeks. (Jeez)

*Mark Tauscher leaves. In fifteen seconds you can overhear him starting his car.*

Chad Clifton: Forget him, I say

All: FORGET HIM!

Jason Spitz: Forget him! Shall we close?

Chad Clifton: OH BRETTSIAH! WE WILL BE ONE WITH YOU AGAIN! In the words of follower Jason Whitlock:

"Favre has made assclowns of everybody, particularly Ted Thompson."

ASSCLOWNS INDEED! PROFESSIONALISM ABOUND!


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Millions of people get the NFL Sunday Ticket package. Its awesome. Many of them also get the Red Zone Channel add-on which is hosted by Andrew Siciliano.

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