Chad Clifton: Shall we get started?

Daryn Colledge: Go ahead.

Chad Clifton: Okay....Football Lords! We commence this meeting, as we always do, in the name of our lost leader. Hark! In our singular mission, we are unified in goal and mind! Brett will return to us some day. His work is not complete, nor is ours, Football Lords! In servitude to his grace, the actions on the field of competition will render the sinners impotent. Those who question his greatness will meet his avenging and exacting hand when they are burning in hell. To Brett!

All: To Brett!

Chad Clifton: Jason! If you could give us a report on last week's progress.

Jason Spitz: Last week, the infidel Aaron Rodgers was sacked six times. Tally up three of those six to the blessed Jared Allen, who routinely likes to take the demon child to the ground with bone-grating precision. More importantly, the Brettsiah was not sacked once, thanks to some outstanding cooperation by our defensive line. Thus far, the sack total against the Vikings is as follows *goes to tally board*:

Scum Larva Rodgers 14

Brettsiah 0

Chad Clifton: Remember now, we do not plan to meet them again, as that would require a playoff berth, and we do not want to turn the malignant spirit into a winner.

Josh Sitton: Only one winner may lead this town. PRAISE HIS NAME!

All: PRAISE!

Jason Spitz: For the year, the succubus has been sacked 31 times, well ahead of last year's pace. He was only sacked 34 times in '08, but we sucked enough for others to publicly blame him for not being the Football Good Shepherd.

Allen Barbre: Ted Thompson shall pay!

All: PAY! WITH HIS SOUL!

Chad Clifton: Allen, any report on Matt Flynn?

Allen Barbre: I've been watching him warm up. Beatrice Arthur had a tighter spiral, sir, but not Betty White.

Chad Clifton: Get to work on that. If he QBs in this town, surely the unclean will clamor for their once and future king!

...I have been handed a note. Apparently, Aaron Rodgers has only four turnovers this year.

All: *AUDIBLE DISGUST*

Josh Sitton: I think I'm going to be sick.

Chad Clifton: The hellion goblin's greed knows no bounds. Our almighty would consistently share with all teams, making the spirit of competition all the more fair. Speaking of which, who do we play this week?

Allen Barbre: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

All: *LOUDER DISGUST*

Josh Sitton: I am currently sick.

Jason Spitz: Okay guys. We're going to have to work hard to lay down this week, and we've got to do it early. I've spoken to Ryan, and he told me he's going to continue to suck, so we won't be able to sit on a lead. That means pressure all day.

Josh Sitton: THE BUCCANEERS COULDN'T PRESSURE A BOWL OF JELLO!

All: *INAUDIBLE CHATTER*

Chad Clifton: SILENCE! .....Continue, Mister Spitz!

Jason Spitz: The Bucs are tied for 30th in sacks with eleven. We have to focus our efforts on defensive end Jimmy Wilkerson, who has half of the team's sacks by himself. As center, it will be my responsibility to point him out to you guys. Then, when Damien's claws are under me, I will misdirect him with a false blitz call. Chad and Daryn will then double team Ryan Sims, who is so bad he couldn't sack our QB if he was Steve DeBerg....of the present. This is the plan. I figure we have a quarter and a half window to try to vanquish the athletic satan.

*Enter Coach Mike McCarthy*

Mike McCarthy: Okay guys, let's get ready for practice. We need to really buckle down on protection this week.

Chad Clifton: Oh....we will.....coach......we......will.....

Mike McCarthy: .......yeah....okay well.......see you then, I guess

*Coach Mike McCarthy leaves hastily*

Daryn Colledge: BLASPHEMER.

Chad Clifton: He will be dealt with in due time. They will all face retribution. Okay, we have the plan set. Let us close.

All: Football Lords! HEAR US! Save us from the sin of the wispy-faced lucifer! We shall trip over our own legs when the defender swims! We shall fold and wilt at the sight of a well-executed stunt! We shall make wetpants at the prospect of a bull rush! The master of the National Football Holy Land will return! And we will be one in his glorious turnovers and jeans and graying facial hair and Vicodin.

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